Benny Blanco made a dream partner checklist before falling for Selena Gomez
Synopsis
Before he found love with Selena Gomez, Benny Blanco sat down with his therapist and wrote out exactly what he needed in a partner — age-appropriateness, kindness, and a commitment to self-improvement. The checklist worked. The Grammy-nominated producer and Gomez married in California in September 2025, and his candid account on The Mel Robbins Podcast is now resonating far beyond celebrity gossip.
Key Takeaways
Benny Blanco , 38 , revealed on The Mel Robbins Podcast that he created a partner checklist with his therapist before falling for Selena Gomez .
The top qualities on his list were being age-appropriate , kind, caring, compassionate, and actively working on personal growth.
He joked the list avoided superficial physical requirements, focusing instead on the first five or six broad traits.
Blanco and Gomez went public in December 2023 , announced their engagement a year later, and married in California in September 2025 .
The revelation highlights a growing trend of public figures crediting therapy as a practical tool for building healthy relationships.
Music producer Benny Blanco has revealed that he created a detailed checklist of qualities he wanted in an ideal partner — with the guidance of his therapist — before he fell in love with actress-singer Selena Gomez, whom he married in California in September 2025. The candid disclosure came during a recent appearance on The Mel Robbins Podcast.
The Checklist That Started It All
Blanco, 38, said the exercise was rooted in a moment of honest self-reflection. 'I said, I really wanna find the right partner, and I'm doing something wrong. I can't find the person that I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with, and I want to do that. And we came up with some guidelines and a list,' he said.
His therapist encouraged him to write down the qualities he genuinely sought in a partner — not superficial preferences, but meaningful traits. The first item on the list: the partner had to be 'age-appropriate'. He added that the process required brutal self-honesty.
Kindness, Compassion, and Accountability
The second quality Blanco listed was kindness. 'Someone who's nice. Nice, caring, compassionate, like someone who's a nice person. And if they were sad, they were doing something about it. Like they were going to therapy, they were taking medicine if they need to, they were doing yoga. They were actively trying to (change things),' he explained.
He joked that the list deliberately avoided highly specific physical requirements — he did not, for instance, care whether a potential partner had 'their like left toe longer than their right'. The checklist was intentionally broad: 'These were like broad things, and if it didn't meet those like first five or six things, (I) couldn't even pursue (sic),' he added.
From Checklist to Commitment
Blanco and Gomez went public with their relationship in December 2023, announced their engagement a year later, and wed in California in September 2025. The Grammy-nominated producer and songwriter has spoken openly about his personal growth journey, and the checklist anecdote offers a rare window into the deliberate, therapy-informed approach he took before committing to a life partner.
Notably, Gomez has herself been public about her own mental health journey, including her advocacy for therapy and open conversations around emotional wellbeing — qualities that appear to align closely with the traits Blanco said he was seeking.
Why This Moment Is Resonating
The podcast moment has drawn wide attention for its candour, particularly Blanco's willingness to credit therapy as a practical tool for personal clarity rather than crisis management alone. It also underscores a broader cultural shift among public figures — especially in the entertainment industry — toward treating mental health care as a foundation for healthy relationships, not a last resort.
As one of the most high-profile couples in entertainment, Blanco and Gomez continue to draw significant public interest, and moments like this are likely to keep their story in the spotlight well into the coming year.
Point of View
Not chemistry or chance, as the foundation of one of entertainment's most-watched relationships reflects a meaningful shift in how male public figures talk about emotional preparation for commitment. What's worth noting is that Gomez's own well-documented mental health advocacy maps almost precisely onto the traits Blanco said he was seeking — suggesting the checklist wasn't just introspection, but inadvertently a portrait of the person he would find. Whether that reads as romantic or strategic probably says more about the reader than the couple.
NationPress
4 Sept 2026
Frequently Asked Questions
What checklist did Benny Blanco make before dating Selena Gomez?
Benny Blanco created a list of ideal partner qualities with his therapist, prioritising traits like being age-appropriate, kind, caring, compassionate, and actively working on personal wellbeing. He said the list was intentionally broad and that a potential partner had to meet the first five or six criteria before he would even consider pursuing a relationship.
When did Benny Blanco and Selena Gomez get married?
Benny Blanco and Selena Gomez married in California in September 2025. They had gone public with their relationship in December 2023 and announced their engagement approximately a year later.
Where did Benny Blanco reveal his partner checklist?
Blanco made the revelation during a recent appearance on The Mel Robbins Podcast, where he spoke candidly about his therapy-guided approach to finding a life partner.
Why did Benny Blanco make a partner checklist?
Blanco said he felt he was 'doing something wrong' in his search for a long-term partner and turned to therapy for guidance. His therapist encouraged him to write down the qualities he genuinely wanted, leading to the checklist that he says helped him find clarity before his relationship with Selena Gomez.
What qualities did Benny Blanco look for in a partner?
The top qualities on Blanco's list included being age-appropriate, kind, caring, compassionate, and actively engaged in personal growth — whether through therapy, medication, yoga, or other means. He explicitly avoided overly specific physical requirements, keeping the criteria broad and values-driven.
